“Starting deep and honest communication about sex can be daunting, especially in areas which can be more loaded, tricky or where we feel vulnerable. Someone might ask what you do or don’t like, or what may or may not be okay with you, and you may find you — or a partner, when they’re asked — have a hard time knowing how to respond. It might be particularly tough to start these conversations if talking about sex openly and out loud is something you’ve never done. When sex is newer to us, we may not even have a sense of all there is to talk about. It can feel like being asked what you want to eat at a restaurant without having a menu to even know your options. We might also sometimes find ourselves feeling inclined to only say what we think a partner wants to hear, or only responding to what they bring up rather than putting our own stuff on the table and initiating our own questions.”
there is a big difference between “making space for others” and “lazy rationalisation of your unwillingness to engage”.
a boycott is not a movement. inaction is a form of action in that it impacts the world but it is not a substitute for positive action. refusal to learn about other cultures than your own on the grounds of wariness of cultural appropriation is lazy. not saying anything when your friends are getting harassed is not respecting their strength and autonomy, it is weak as shit. only eating out or shopping or living in already-gentrified communities is not fighting gentrification. not going to solidarity events you’ve been invited to attend because you’re wary of taking up space is paternalistic. not participating in solidarity movements because you’re afraid of saying the wrong thing and offending someone is the rankest exercise of the privilege of comfort. being more concerned with not fucking up than with doing good is about your personal purity, not about the effect you have on the world, and very few people have the resources to maintain this illusion of purity for themselves. I hear so many rationalisations for staying within your comfort zone under the guise of “solidarity” and I have to say that they all strike me as utterly self-indulgent and self-deceiving. push yourself or don’t, but don’t try and recast your every action or inaction as anti-oppressive.
OBVIOUSLY this isn’t all true 100% of the time, every time. But whoa.
well, i guess someone can see right through me…