Just logged into myfitnesspal for the first time in weeks. It feels so good!
October 2010
58 posts
You're doing well keep it up :)
I’ve been holding on to this one for a little while. Partly ‘cause it makes me feel nice. Partly ‘cause it makes me feel guilty.
Guilty: I haven’t been at my best this week. It’s taken be a while to get back into the swing of things since my break. I still don’t regret it. But it’s kinda been like starting over (even after only five days) where I need to find out all over again what works for me and how to ramp myself back up. But I think I’m there. Fingers crossed.
Nice: There is something about simple, anon comments. A long one you want to know who it is because you’re curious. A mean one and you don’t care ‘cause they don’t matter and it just means you’re famous. But a short ‘n sweet one? I feel like I’ve gotten to know people on here so well, like you guys are my friends. I know we all love our friends but which makes you feel better: when a friend compliments you or when a stranger does?
It made me feel warm and fuzzy while kicking my ass into gear at the same time. Best ‘ask’ ever.
THANKS!
C'est L'Halloween
and I am going out tonight. In a costume. And I think I’ll look good.
Again, there is that shyness factor but I am being brave! So brave I am wearing two things I never ever wear: leggings and a skirt. I have the most insecurities about my legs so I normally wouldn’t dream of leaving the house without a heavy denim fabric encasing them but… when i tried the leggings on it actually wasn’t so bad! And that made the skirt okay.
I am getting over my issues guys, one clothing choice for a costume party at a time!
i miss you.
awwwwwww!
you too.
xo
Hello! So i'm not sure how I found your blog but after looking around I have to say CONGRATULATIONS on the success (almost 50 pounds lost already is awesome). What struck close to home with this blog is our numbers are close. My highest weight was 311 (just a month ago or a little less), so I am officially taking those first steps to get into my new routine and look better. I know how you are feeling EXACTLY since I have lived it each day, and we're both 23 from the looks of things (though i'll be 24 next month). I wanted to say keep up the good work and I hope I can get results like you have! I'll definitely be checking this blog out for help since you were the closest to my starting weight that i've found yet, so it's nice to see your progress. Thank you so much for being one of my new inspirations.
Oh wow. You flatter! I’m really glad you found my blog too! Have you found B yet? You should check her out too. I’m glad the way you look is getting better! Is the way you feel getting better too? That is the most important thing. If you don’t have that nothing else (ex - looking smaller, losing weight) will last long… I know this from experience!!
And thank you for your congrats! I’ve actually decided to start counting not from when I started this tumblr at 294, but from my highest ever last January which was 310. Why should those pounds not count? 61.6 gone forever.
hey. i hope you'll be in track again in no time. :)
Thanks so much! I’m more on track now than I was before, for sure! I’m still finding my way though.
*Fun Fact: I got myself a new ipod for getting under 250 (my old ipod was dying so quickly!) and the engraving says ‘imperfectly’…. I love it because it’s an adverb so it implies action; it reminds me it’s okay to not be doing something perfectly as long as I’m doing something.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cbk980jV7Ao :)
Thanks for the link! Not sure why you sent it but I finally got around to watching all of it and it’s kinda cute.
Oh, hello again...
I did miss you guys. Not in an ‘ooohhhh i want to be on tumblr so badly right now!’ kinda way, but in a ‘hey, it’s sorta nice to be back’ kinda way…. ya know?
The break was fantastic. Part of it was because I had more of a social life in those five days than probably the past two months but it was also because I was away from fitblr. When I was out I was having fun. I wasn’t worrying about what I was eating of how I was looking; I was just enjoying my time.
I ate like shit. I was expecting to see closer to 255 this morning. I honestly don’t know what happened. Even if I had gained that much, it would have been worth it. I’ve been thinking of this pendulum analogy. I had been creeping further and further into unhealthy, obsessive territory so I needed to swing back as far as I could the other way - gorge myself and exercise not at all - in order to land comfortably in the middle again. I feel like I’ve done that pretty successfully.
My friend in Ottawa last saw me 60lbs heavier but didn’t say a word. That’s fine. That’s not why I’m doing this. That’s what I remembered these past few days.
So hello all! I hope you guys have been doing really well. I’m excited to catch up. And hello new followers! If you followed me while I was away I hope you don’t start wishing it could go back to silence now that I’m posting again. Just one thing to say to some of you:
Stop it. Stop hating yourself. Stop starving yourself. Stop all of it. That is a vicious cycle, a familiar pattern, something always trying to creep back in no matter how healthy you try to live. I just had to shake it off again. Because it won’t help. You’ll get tired, you’ll get angry, you’ll give up and so will your body. Because guess what? Hatred isn’t healthy. Starvation isn’t healthy. And do you know what else? Hatred isn’t pretty. Starvation isn’t pretty. Love yourself. Care for yourself. Those things are beautiful!!
Seriously.
WIW
Two weeks ago: 248.4
This week: 248.6
Difference: +.2
WHHHHAAAAATTTTTT?
I have class for six hours straight today but when I come home I will tell everyone about where I’ve been, how I’ve been, and why that difference should be twenty times bigger.
This break is the best thing ever.
Tonight I went out and I:
- Felt hot
- Drank beer (& ate poutine)
- Fell in love with this guy…. but I remembered Life as a Lion too late to ask him to come home with me… next time.
You just "liked" one of my photos and while I usually don't follow the links to see the people who do, "myownbody" spoke to me so I clicked. Soooo...here I am. And, after perusing a bit, I'm not asking anything but I'm TELLING you now that you are amazing and beautiful and inspiring an fantastic and on your way! THANK YOU for being honest about yourself and your struggles. I KNOW it's not easy...believe me, I know. I spent my entire childhood being the big girl. I graduated high school at 6'1" and 170 pounds. I come from a long line of BIG women. I hated it, hated it, hated it. I'm 32 now and after gaining a whopping 100 even pounds with my pregnancy in 1999-2000 to tip the scales at 277, I STILL haven't gotten all that weight off. I went on to have a back surgery and cancer which led to LOTS of steroids and needless to say, steroids are not a friend to the heavy among us.
ANYWAY, I told ya all that to tell ya this...while my body doesn't knock my socks off anymore and I'd give LOTS of things to be back to that svelte 170 (that I thought was gross and disgusting back then but was actually an EXTREMELY great weight for me), I've learned to love and accept my body in a way that I never thought possible. And my size now has no bearing on my happiness. It took me a decade to "reclaim my body" and I wish that for EVERYONE. Seriously;
I'm glad that you are "reclaiming your body" and trying to learn self-acceptance. It's one of the most difficult and yet most necessary lessons we must learn on our journey through this life. I realize how important it is and that it's SO not about the number on the scale. And so...I've rambled on just to tell you basically that I applaud and support you and wish you the very, very best!! YOU GO GIRL!!! :)
WOW. I will be reading this and re-reading this for a long, long time.
How did you know what I needed to hear? How did you know when I needed to hear it. This is one of those great, wonderous mysteries.
And let me TELL you: you are my hero. you are my inspiration. you just gave me the best gift ever.
This is what I’d forgotten. This is where I’ve gone astray. This is giving me my focus back. I’m all teary-eyed now.
I can’t even do you justice. I can’t even express it. It’s quarter to three in the morning where I am so I feel like I’m writing in this incoherent and cheesy manner which I just don’t think I can help.
Sorry.
Thanks.
Night.
i understand how you feel 100%. it's SO easy to become fixated on the wrong picture. you start to lose weight, the healthy way, you notice changes. those changes become your addictive replacement for food. you want more more MORE. so there's that little person in there that tells you to lower the cals and you become a slave to those. you almost become scared of eating more cals, even though there's a part of you that knows it'll help. right? because this was always the case before with me.
however, it was always what ruined me. i would lower my cals too much and i wouldn't lose weight, so after weeks of it i'd become frustrated and say "fuck it" and go back to my old habits.
try a few more cals just for a few days. you're eating around 1250 - 1300 right now? put in an extra 200 (that's, like, an apple and some peanut butter - easy peasy!) for, like, four or five days, and see where that leaves you. i think it might do a world of help (physically and mentally).
you've done SO great so far, i just want to see you happy & successful :)
It’s like you read my mind. And then said everything I was thinking and feeling in a way that makes sense. It’s scary how well you know what’s going on! Thank you.
And thank you also for always being on my ‘side’. I know there aren’t sides but I so appreciate having someone who sees things the way I do.
And thank you for your encouragement. I want to be happy and successful too. Continuously.
xo
Hiatus
I didn’t weigh myself today and I won’t until next Wednesday. I also won’t be updating very much. I’m off track. I need to re-group. I need a moment to breath and think. I don’t know if this makes sense to anyone but… whatever. It’s what I need and it’s not for very long. I just have two AMAZING messages I need to answer first.
PS. I’m going to Ottawa this weekend to visit this girl. I plan on being rejuvenated for you all but mostly for myself by next Tues and I promise to tell you all about it.
Okay, it needs to be 2 pages and is worth 5% so I am employing my old high school motto:
It doesn’t have to be done well; it just has to be done.
(* I do not recommend anyone adopt this motto.)
11:11
Making a wish….
That I get this mini essay done for tomorrow morning. Why am I online right now? Why can’t I just write it??
L.E.S Artistes
Santogold
I had a couple other songs I was choosing between for this weekend but then I hit a funk today. What did I do to get out of the funk? Went to the gym. I was determined to do week 4 of c25k. I didn’t make it through the second 5 min interval. But I made it through the first.
I CAN RUN FOR FIVE MINUTES.
This song came on at just the right time to make it the first song I ran all the way through.
Song to Sweat to: L.E.S. Artistes - Santigold
when with a partner or by yourself, do you find yourself reaching orgasm faster/easier now that you have begun your weight-loss journey?
(once you've answered the question, please feel free to share the permalink to your response at http://is.gd/g5LMz - or keep your response just for your followers!)
This is a 4?? Okay….
Sorry to all the followers who don’t want to know what I have to say because…..
……here is your chance to stop reading…….
The answer is no. I’m lucky in that I have never found it particularly slow/difficult so that is not something I’ve noticed a change in. Isn’t this fun? We are getting to know each other on so many new levels.
Dear Diary
It’s 1:14 PM and I’m on tumblr.
This is the time I planned out yesterday that I would be at the gym. Then at two I would go to the mall to get a passport sized photo. Then to the library to finish two assignments and an essay.
But I am not at the gym. Today I am stuck. I ate 1260 calories with less than half the allowed salt yesterday and gained .6 lbs. It’s been like this for weeks. I think I have hit my first plateau. And it has come at the worst time ever.
I am bouncing around 247/248. That is a weight I know all too well. The highest I ever was was in the low 300s and the lowest post-puberty was probably in the 220s… I honestly don’t remember. But this is the norm for me. This is the weight I was most often. This is the weight I picture myself. This feels like home. I’ve lost a little over 45lbs but I feel like I’m back at square one and I feel like I will never make it to 50lbs lost.
What doesn’t help is that I am becoming obsessive. 1260 is less than the 1500 calorie goal I set myself. Maybe that is hurting my weight loss. But I don’t want to try eating more. I have deadlines now. Not timelines, but deadlines. I am counting on people saying something the next time they see me. This is not where I want to be. I was in such a healthier headspace 30lbs heavier.
I have a ton of work to do this weekend because I haven’t been doing it all term. I’ve been on my computer. In the summer I could do computer at work (videos and tumblr and email etc) and then live my life after work (not that I really had a life). But now that my job is being a student my free time is the only time I have for computer and that makes less time for living (gym, friends, fresh air, etc).
I need to regroup. My perspective is so skewed at this point I don’t know how to fix it. I need to go back to basics, start being more mindful. I need to slow down with everything. Including tumblr.
I know I’m going to be okay but I also know that it will take work and work will take time and health (mental/physical/whatever) will simply not come to me.
I don’t know if any of this rambling makes any sense to anyone. I don’t really care either way. I’m trying to make sense of it myself. It sounds more drastic than it is. I’ve been in much, much, much worse places in my life so I know to pay attention to these things that start out small and confusing.
Thanks for reading and caring as I try to work things out. You guys mean the world to me.
#365 to 30: Reblog if you want a Super-Sunday-TMI Question from Mr. #365 →
365to30.tumblr.com
Form must be filled out with your information on your reblog to receive question.
Male/Female:
Age:
Relationship Status:
Briefly describe where you are in your fitness journey: (note: must be a health & fitness tumblr to receive question)
TMI Level - Select One:
- “My Mom reads my tumblog, so…
I don’t want to be left out!
- female
- 23
- perpetually single
- 40 lbs down, 50+ to go
- i’m nervous…. 4
I have been thinking a lot lately. But not writing. I really want to write a nice, long, diary-style post soon. I think I need to let it all out the way I used to in the beginning. Hopefully I’ll get a chance this weekend…
Answering this made me think of you!
http://smaller-n-smaller.tumblr.com/post/1309566891/hi-this-isnt-meant-to-be-offensive-or-rude-or
I saw it and liked it. Good answer!! Plus you looked gorge.
Hope today got better.
xo
WIW
Last Week: 247.2
This Week: 248.4
Difference: +1.2
I don’t really have much to say about this. I didn’t go to the gym. And there was Thanksgiving.
I am a little sad the number hasn’t gone down again at all since my two hour workout yesterday. But….. that’s life I guess.
Hello Everyone!!
There are quite a few new followers and I want to say hello. So, hello! I used to be able to check out every new follower but I’ve fallen behind. I’m trying to catch up! Promise!
And I also want to say to everyone who replies to my posts, I’m sorry. I wish I was one of those people who replied to replies. I get so many good ones. Some make me laugh out loud, some make me tear up, some just make me fall in love with you guys.
But I am just too weak/lazy/tired/busy/etc.
I read them all. I love them all. I’m grateful for them all. Even if I don’t say it individually each time.
And now I need to sleep. Sweet dreams everyone!!
Sorry I just found you and could not find any tips anywhere you have posted. First of all congratulations on all that weight loss so far! How are you doing?
Hey! Don’t apologize! You haven’t found any tips because I haven’t posted any.
I write this blog for me, and what I find most helpful is just writing a personal account of what I go through. Plus there are so many smart, amazing fitblrs posting all the latest articles and info that why would I compete? How could I compete??! I have said it a few times, but I am really never the one to find all the cool stuff.
So if you’re looking for tips, I’m the one that’s sorry. You won’t find any here but I could direct you to some GREAT places. I’ll just keep posting mundane details about my life, personal goals, favourite songs, and WIWs. (Which, funny you should ask, I’m pretty sure is going to be a gain tomorrow.) But a tiny gain hardly negates all the great work I’ve done so far and am still going to keep doing so… ya know… whatevs.
I shouldn’t answer messages so late; I get rambly and incoherent.
YES! On your vlog #3! And I thought it was awesome, haha. :)
I did go back to make sure and you’re right! I did say it. It just looked so good written out like that, I was sure I hadn’t thought it up.
And I think YOU’RE awesome. In case you couldn’t already tell today…
Damn your cute, are you seeing anyone?
Ummmm, best message ever! My day has been made. Officially.
The answer is no by the way, not seeing anyone. Unless you count all my tumblr romances! (that made me sound pathetic)
Tumblr Tuesday
She is NOT skinny! But she is getting there. She’s working so incredibly hard and has to put up with the most ridiculous crap from strangers. So strong. So supportive. So beautiful. Go follow mycollectionofskins!
re: the talk of music from vlog #2
you listen to whatever music you want, because i ASSURE you i'm a bigger loser than you with what i listen to :p my top five bands are indie type folk music. they have banjoes. BANJOES. i get made fun of CONSTANTLY by my brothers because i listen to stuff that sounds like it's from the deep south in the 1940s. my biggest guilty pleasure? micheal buble. that man is amazing, and his voice is like liquid velvet. croon away, micheal. croon away. i'll never deny my love for you.
OMG I JUST GOT TO THE PART WHERE YOU SAID YOU LIKE THE GOSSIP. UGH. BETH DITTO IS AMAAAAAAZING.
alright, i'm calm now. i just felt the need to pass this along.
Um, please. You are one of the music superstars I am afraid of because you always know the cool new stuff. And banjos are awesome. It’s not the type of music I like that is embarrassing, it is the lack of obscure artist knowledge. So don’t get all shy on me Ms. ‘I post cool music and wish people would broaden their musical horizons’
Except you are allowed to be embarrassed about Buble. That man is all cheese and creep!
And I actually ‘discovered’ Gossip while I had this blog! See: this post.
I think we should hang out and discuss music we like. That would be fun. I would even listen to Bubble for you. (I spelled it that way on purpose because it’s funny/I’m mean)
Play
what is your height?
I am 5’9.
The answer to this and the last question can be found by clicking the ‘numbers’ link on my actual blog page. I think height is super important when talking about weight. But again, I’m a little curious about why the interest….. oh, mysteries.
how old are you? :]
I am 23 years old. Why do you ask?
Play
You might not know this about me but I love to talk about myself. Like a lot. I could pretty much do it all day long.
And I’m asking you guys to help foster this (probably unhealthy) habit by asking me questions! About myself! So I can make a vlog! About myself!
Ask me anything. Little, big, funny, really intense and personal. Don’t be afraid. If I might have answered it but you weren’t following me yet or missed that post - ask me!
And I guess… since all the cool kids are doing it…. you can send me dares too if you want.
Yayyy!
I'm making you my official Tumblr Wife (in a totally platonic way because I'm already married, lol).
This was my first ever proposal and I’m pretty pleased with how it turned out! You can pick the date and then I’ll make up some e-vites!
October Goals
I have never done monthly goals before but I had an idea of what I want to weigh and I started thinking about how far I want to get in c25k and I realised it might just be a good idea to try it out this month… a week in.
- Be out of the 240s - I almost typed 250s… sometimes I feel like I’m dreaming.
- Be in week 5 of c25k
- Get to a Zumba class!!!!!!!!!!
Alright. Now let’s see how I do.
Your suggestions totally made me smile haha
I did a quick browse of your blog btw and really like what I read - I'll have to start from the beginning though soon!
This is so exciting! I can’t believe the classiest fitblr is following me now! And I made her smile!!
I guess I haven’t posted as much as other people but still, are you sure you want to go through allll the trouble of starting at the beginning? It is kind of embarrassing to think about those earlier posts and what a dark place I was in.
I guess I’ll just suck it up. All the blushing from this compliment is also embarrassing and yet I’m somehow managing to deal with it.
WIW
Last Week: 250.6
This Week: 247.2
Difference: -3.4
Okay, so over a pound disappeared since yesterday and I’m pretty sure it’s not gonna stay like this but all the more reason to work extra hard this week. I made a promise last WIW to be super dedicated and on top of things (ie. gym) but then sickness happened and…. But it all turned out for the best I guess. I may not be healthy but I am losing so I will not complain.
I’ll let you guys know how the socializing went later today but for now, thank you for making me do it!
Saturday Night
Ozomatli
So, it was unanimous. I’m off to dip, dive, and get ready for my (Tuesday) night.
Thanks for your help guys; I don’t know how I would make everyday decisions without you!!
Just to let you know that the Marina and Diamonds song you posted a little bit ago is now on my musical obsessions playlist. Thaaaaaaaaanks a lot haha. And no the irony of my playlist's name and the name of the song is not lost on me
Awww. You aaaaaaaaaaaare welcome. It really did wonders for me on the treadmill. Plus it’s great to listen to even while not running - I know this because I have been not running for a week now. Ugh.
But maybe I will get on top of things and post a S2S2 this weekend again…. if only to give you something to be sassy about!
Tumblr Tuesday
She’s the first fitblr I ever followed. She’s running her first full marathon in the next week. She asked. How many reasons do I need to recommend Ms. E?
I don’t believe anyone isn’t following her yet but if you’re not - you should join me and live vicariously through her weekend escapades and fashion savvy and glamorous city life! - And fitness. There is also fitness in there I promise!
Socializing or Safety
Okay, I need your help.
It is Tuesday so I planned to go to the gym, watch TBL, exercise for two hours, burn 1000 cals, be ready for WIW. But
- I’m still sick. I feel like a cold is a wimpy excuse to not work out. I have images of snot running everywhere and me having coughing fits galore… but I could always just take it a little easier.
- Tonight is Beer with Profs. This is the real dilemma.
Obviously I wouldn’t have any beer but I would get to socialize with people in my program (who I don’t know really because of the time I took off). Drama is a tight-knit group and I should be making more of an effort. I’d also get to talk to profs whose help I’d like when pursuing possibilities for next year.
I am pretty shy so right now I would rather go to the gym. But does that mean I should be doing the more challenging option?
I need your help! It’s up to you:
Socialize or play it safe?
