Just logged into myfitnesspal for the first time in weeks. It feels so good!
I’ve been holding on to this one for a little while. Partly ‘cause it makes me feel nice. Partly ‘cause it makes me feel guilty.
Guilty: I haven’t been at my best this week. It’s taken be a while to get back into the swing of things since my break. I still don’t regret it. But it’s kinda been like starting over (even after only five days) where I need to find out all over again what works for me and how to ramp myself back up. But I think I’m there. Fingers crossed.
Nice: There is something about simple, anon comments. A long one you want to know who it is because you’re curious. A mean one and you don’t care ‘cause they don’t matter and it just means you’re famous. But a short ‘n sweet one? I feel like I’ve gotten to know people on here so well, like you guys are my friends. I know we all love our friends but which makes you feel better: when a friend compliments you or when a stranger does?
It made me feel warm and fuzzy while kicking my ass into gear at the same time. Best ‘ask’ ever.
and I am going out tonight. In a costume. And I think I’ll look good.
Again, there is that shyness factor but I am being brave! So brave I am wearing two things I never ever wear: leggings and a skirt. I have the most insecurities about my legs so I normally wouldn’t dream of leaving the house without a heavy denim fabric encasing them but… when i tried the leggings on it actually wasn’t so bad! And that made the skirt okay.
I am getting over my issues guys, one clothing choice for a costume party at a time!
Oh wow. You flatter! I’m really glad you found my blog too! Have you found B yet? You should check her out too. I’m glad the way you look is getting better! Is the way you feel getting better too? That is the most important thing. If you don’t have that nothing else (ex - looking smaller, losing weight) will last long… I know this from experience!!
And thank you for your congrats! I’ve actually decided to start counting not from when I started this tumblr at 294, but from my highest ever last January which was 310. Why should those pounds not count? 61.6 gone forever.
Thanks so much! I’m more on track now than I was before, for sure! I’m still finding my way though.
*Fun Fact: I got myself a new ipod for getting under 250 (my old ipod was dying so quickly!) and the engraving says ‘imperfectly’…. I love it because it’s an adverb so it implies action; it reminds me it’s okay to not be doing something perfectly as long as I’m doing something.
Thanks for the link! Not sure why you sent it but I finally got around to watching all of it and it’s kinda cute.
I did miss you guys. Not in an ‘ooohhhh i want to be on tumblr so badly right now!’ kinda way, but in a ‘hey, it’s sorta nice to be back’ kinda way…. ya know?
The break was fantastic. Part of it was because I had more of a social life in those five days than probably the past two months but it was also because I was away from fitblr. When I was out I was having fun. I wasn’t worrying about what I was eating of how I was looking; I was just enjoying my time.
I ate like shit. I was expecting to see closer to 255 this morning. I honestly don’t know what happened. Even if I had gained that much, it would have been worth it. I’ve been thinking of this pendulum analogy. I had been creeping further and further into unhealthy, obsessive territory so I needed to swing back as far as I could the other way - gorge myself and exercise not at all - in order to land comfortably in the middle again. I feel like I’ve done that pretty successfully.
My friend in Ottawa last saw me 60lbs heavier but didn’t say a word. That’s fine. That’s not why I’m doing this. That’s what I remembered these past few days.
So hello all! I hope you guys have been doing really well. I’m excited to catch up. And hello new followers! If you followed me while I was away I hope you don’t start wishing it could go back to silence now that I’m posting again. Just one thing to say to some of you:
Stop it. Stop hating yourself. Stop starving yourself. Stop all of it. That is a vicious cycle, a familiar pattern, something always trying to creep back in no matter how healthy you try to live. I just had to shake it off again. Because it won’t help. You’ll get tired, you’ll get angry, you’ll give up and so will your body. Because guess what? Hatred isn’t healthy. Starvation isn’t healthy. And do you know what else? Hatred isn’t pretty. Starvation isn’t pretty. Love yourself. Care for yourself. Those things are beautiful!!
Two weeks ago: 248.4
This week: 248.6
I have class for six hours straight today but when I come home I will tell everyone about where I’ve been, how I’ve been, and why that difference should be twenty times bigger.
Tonight I went out and I:
- Felt hot
- Drank beer (& ate poutine)
- Fell in love with this guy…. but I remembered Life as a Lion too late to ask him to come home with me… next time.
WOW. I will be reading this and re-reading this for a long, long time.
How did you know what I needed to hear? How did you know when I needed to hear it. This is one of those great, wonderous mysteries.
And let me TELL you: you are my hero. you are my inspiration. you just gave me the best gift ever.
This is what I’d forgotten. This is where I’ve gone astray. This is giving me my focus back. I’m all teary-eyed now.
I can’t even do you justice. I can’t even express it. It’s quarter to three in the morning where I am so I feel like I’m writing in this incoherent and cheesy manner which I just don’t think I can help.
It’s like you read my mind. And then said everything I was thinking and feeling in a way that makes sense. It’s scary how well you know what’s going on! Thank you.
And thank you also for always being on my ‘side’. I know there aren’t sides but I so appreciate having someone who sees things the way I do.
And thank you for your encouragement. I want to be happy and successful too. Continuously.
I didn’t weigh myself today and I won’t until next Wednesday. I also won’t be updating very much. I’m off track. I need to re-group. I need a moment to breath and think. I don’t know if this makes sense to anyone but… whatever. It’s what I need and it’s not for very long. I just have two AMAZING messages I need to answer first.
PS. I’m going to Ottawa this weekend to visit this girl. I plan on being rejuvenated for you all but mostly for myself by next Tues and I promise to tell you all about it.
Okay, it needs to be 2 pages and is worth 5% so I am employing my old high school motto:
It doesn’t have to be done well; it just has to be done.
(* I do not recommend anyone adopt this motto.)
Making a wish….
That I get this mini essay done for tomorrow morning. Why am I online right now? Why can’t I just write it??
This is a 4?? Okay….
Sorry to all the followers who don’t want to know what I have to say because…..
……here is your chance to stop reading…….
The answer is no. I’m lucky in that I have never found it particularly slow/difficult so that is not something I’ve noticed a change in. Isn’t this fun? We are getting to know each other on so many new levels.
It’s 1:14 PM and I’m on tumblr.
This is the time I planned out yesterday that I would be at the gym. Then at two I would go to the mall to get a passport sized photo. Then to the library to finish two assignments and an essay.
But I am not at the gym. Today I am stuck. I ate 1260 calories with less than half the allowed salt yesterday and gained .6 lbs. It’s been like this for weeks. I think I have hit my first plateau. And it has come at the worst time ever.
I am bouncing around 247/248. That is a weight I know all too well. The highest I ever was was in the low 300s and the lowest post-puberty was probably in the 220s… I honestly don’t remember. But this is the norm for me. This is the weight I was most often. This is the weight I picture myself. This feels like home. I’ve lost a little over 45lbs but I feel like I’m back at square one and I feel like I will never make it to 50lbs lost.
What doesn’t help is that I am becoming obsessive. 1260 is less than the 1500 calorie goal I set myself. Maybe that is hurting my weight loss. But I don’t want to try eating more. I have deadlines now. Not timelines, but deadlines. I am counting on people saying something the next time they see me. This is not where I want to be. I was in such a healthier headspace 30lbs heavier.
I have a ton of work to do this weekend because I haven’t been doing it all term. I’ve been on my computer. In the summer I could do computer at work (videos and tumblr and email etc) and then live my life after work (not that I really had a life). But now that my job is being a student my free time is the only time I have for computer and that makes less time for living (gym, friends, fresh air, etc).
I need to regroup. My perspective is so skewed at this point I don’t know how to fix it. I need to go back to basics, start being more mindful. I need to slow down with everything. Including tumblr.
I know I’m going to be okay but I also know that it will take work and work will take time and health (mental/physical/whatever) will simply not come to me.
I don’t know if any of this rambling makes any sense to anyone. I don’t really care either way. I’m trying to make sense of it myself. It sounds more drastic than it is. I’ve been in much, much, much worse places in my life so I know to pay attention to these things that start out small and confusing.
Thanks for reading and caring as I try to work things out. You guys mean the world to me.
I have been thinking a lot lately. But not writing. I really want to write a nice, long, diary-style post soon. I think I need to let it all out the way I used to in the beginning. Hopefully I’ll get a chance this weekend…
I saw it and liked it. Good answer!! Plus you looked gorge.
Hope today got better.
Last Week: 247.2
This Week: 248.4
I don’t really have much to say about this. I didn’t go to the gym. And there was Thanksgiving.
I am a little sad the number hasn’t gone down again at all since my two hour workout yesterday. But….. that’s life I guess.
There are quite a few new followers and I want to say hello. So, hello! I used to be able to check out every new follower but I’ve fallen behind. I’m trying to catch up! Promise!
And I also want to say to everyone who replies to my posts, I’m sorry. I wish I was one of those people who replied to replies. I get so many good ones. Some make me laugh out loud, some make me tear up, some just make me fall in love with you guys.
But I am just too weak/lazy/tired/busy/etc.
I read them all. I love them all. I’m grateful for them all. Even if I don’t say it individually each time.
And now I need to sleep. Sweet dreams everyone!!
Hey! Don’t apologize! You haven’t found any tips because I haven’t posted any.
I write this blog for me, and what I find most helpful is just writing a personal account of what I go through. Plus there are so many smart, amazing fitblrs posting all the latest articles and info that why would I compete? How could I compete??! I have said it a few times, but I am really never the one to find all the cool stuff.
So if you’re looking for tips, I’m the one that’s sorry. You won’t find any here but I could direct you to some GREAT places. I’ll just keep posting mundane details about my life, personal goals, favourite songs, and WIWs. (Which, funny you should ask, I’m pretty sure is going to be a gain tomorrow.) But a tiny gain hardly negates all the great work I’ve done so far and am still going to keep doing so… ya know… whatevs.
I shouldn’t answer messages so late; I get rambly and incoherent.
I did go back to make sure and you’re right! I did say it. It just looked so good written out like that, I was sure I hadn’t thought it up.
And I think YOU’RE awesome. In case you couldn’t already tell today…
Ummmm, best message ever! My day has been made. Officially.
The answer is no by the way, not seeing anyone. Unless you count all my tumblr romances! (that made me sound pathetic)
She is NOT skinny! But she is getting there. She’s working so incredibly hard and has to put up with the most ridiculous crap from strangers. So strong. So supportive. So beautiful. Go follow mycollectionofskins!
Um, please. You are one of the music superstars I am afraid of because you always know the cool new stuff. And banjos are awesome. It’s not the type of music I like that is embarrassing, it is the lack of obscure artist knowledge. So don’t get all shy on me Ms. ‘I post cool music and wish people would broaden their musical horizons’
Except you are allowed to be embarrassed about Buble. That man is all cheese and creep!
And I actually ‘discovered’ Gossip while I had this blog! See: this post.
I think we should hang out and discuss music we like. That would be fun. I would even listen to Bubble for you. (I spelled it that way on purpose because it’s funny/I’m mean)
I am 5’9.
The answer to this and the last question can be found by clicking the ‘numbers’ link on my actual blog page. I think height is super important when talking about weight. But again, I’m a little curious about why the interest….. oh, mysteries.
I am 23 years old. Why do you ask?
You might not know this about me but I love to talk about myself. Like a lot. I could pretty much do it all day long.
And I’m asking you guys to help foster this (probably unhealthy) habit by asking me questions! About myself! So I can make a vlog! About myself!
Ask me anything. Little, big, funny, really intense and personal. Don’t be afraid. If I might have answered it but you weren’t following me yet or missed that post - ask me!
And I guess… since all the cool kids are doing it…. you can send me dares too if you want.
This was my first ever proposal and I’m pretty pleased with how it turned out! You can pick the date and then I’ll make up some e-vites!
I have never done monthly goals before but I had an idea of what I want to weigh and I started thinking about how far I want to get in c25k and I realised it might just be a good idea to try it out this month… a week in.
- Be out of the 240s - I almost typed 250s… sometimes I feel like I’m dreaming.
- Be in week 5 of c25k
- Get to a Zumba class!!!!!!!!!!
Alright. Now let’s see how I do.
This is so exciting! I can’t believe the classiest fitblr is following me now! And I made her smile!!
I guess I haven’t posted as much as other people but still, are you sure you want to go through allll the trouble of starting at the beginning? It is kind of embarrassing to think about those earlier posts and what a dark place I was in.
I guess I’ll just suck it up. All the blushing from this compliment is also embarrassing and yet I’m somehow managing to deal with it.
Last Week: 250.6
This Week: 247.2
Okay, so over a pound disappeared since yesterday and I’m pretty sure it’s not gonna stay like this but all the more reason to work extra hard this week. I made a promise last WIW to be super dedicated and on top of things (ie. gym) but then sickness happened and…. But it all turned out for the best I guess. I may not be healthy but I am losing so I will not complain.
I’ll let you guys know how the socializing went later today but for now, thank you for making me do it!
Awww. You aaaaaaaaaaaare welcome. It really did wonders for me on the treadmill. Plus it’s great to listen to even while not running - I know this because I have been not running for a week now. Ugh.
But maybe I will get on top of things and post a S2S2 this weekend again…. if only to give you something to be sassy about!
She’s the first fitblr I ever followed. She’s running her first full marathon in the next week. She asked. How many reasons do I need to recommend Ms. E?
I don’t believe anyone isn’t following her yet but if you’re not - you should join me and live vicariously through her weekend escapades and fashion savvy and glamorous city life! - And fitness. There is also fitness in there I promise!
Okay, I need your help.
It is Tuesday so I planned to go to the gym, watch TBL, exercise for two hours, burn 1000 cals, be ready for WIW. But
- I’m still sick. I feel like a cold is a wimpy excuse to not work out. I have images of snot running everywhere and me having coughing fits galore… but I could always just take it a little easier.
- Tonight is Beer with Profs. This is the real dilemma.
Obviously I wouldn’t have any beer but I would get to socialize with people in my program (who I don’t know really because of the time I took off). Drama is a tight-knit group and I should be making more of an effort. I’d also get to talk to profs whose help I’d like when pursuing possibilities for next year.
I am pretty shy so right now I would rather go to the gym. But does that mean I should be doing the more challenging option?
I need your help! It’s up to you:
Socialize or play it safe?